Burn that couch!

Looks like a little get together in Michigan could cramp the digital habits of possibly eveyone.


Here's one take.

I heard in a NPR segment yesterday that police are seeking to press charges on those involved in creating the facebook group because they claim that digitally projecting, "Burn that couch!" to 5,000 people is the same as being in the presence of, and yelling at 5,000 people to, "Burn that couch!" I'm going to test this theory. According to this, there are around 1.3 billion Internet users. That's a bump in the basket compared to a puny box social in the woods. Because this blog is completely free to access, it is possible for all 1.3 billion of those users to read my messages. I understand language barriers, but theres rockin' software to deal with that and I understand how certain governments regulate what their public sees--but if someone really wanted to read my rag they could. So I'm going to say something to see if it incites said activity.

*Ahem* BURN THAT COUCH

I even simulated yelling by capitalizing everything. So if there isn't a worldwide epidemic of couch-burning activity, then the misguided policeman's claim has no bearing. If what I wrote does lead to an increase in furniture burning, well then, I guess, I guess...man we're fucked--we need to turn this ship around immediately.

Hey Everybody, It's Friendship Time

So I found a load of all this digital music laying in a heap on the sidewalk. I had a profound sense of time dilation. It was hurtled back to a time when seeing crappy Vanilla Ice cassette tapes crushed on the pavement with their ribbony insides spewing out was normal. Like those days, I scooped up all this oozing digital goo because, "Hey, you never know when you might be in the mood for some generic music." I slid the repaired contents into my iPod and was amazed at what I heard.

Enter Friendship Time

Sorry that had to be a myspace page, but it seems these rockin' dudes bypassed the Internet age for something greater.

Friendship Time is a solid 1970s progressive group. With strong Yes instrumental influences and sparse vocals, they make great head bopping, jive tunes.

Go to Hell

I am resoundingly fed up with Professional Geeks whining and bitching about how life is so tough because they don't have enough time for video games, Pokemon cards, and webcomics. Take this post from those two at Penny Arcade, or this even less eloquent and more flagrant example of whining from the guy who sloths atop a mound of cheese puffs and cat dander.

I guess maybe they are trying to relate to the majority of the working population by creating a facsimile connection between their lack of time to play video games and my lack of time to do things like work, eat, and sleep.

I guess I'm mostly pissed off because they built a digital haven for themselves on the donations and compliments of their fan bases, and now that they are the objects of uncounted levels of adoration they have become so full of their own egos they feel the need to lord it over us.

"Oh, poor wittle baby can't play all of the games that are coming out this Fall?" Well tough nuts. Slam a case of Rockstar, cut off any vestigial remains of a social life, find a cozy corner of the couch and lull yourself into a video game trance. Maybe you'll play enough to reach Nirvana and you'll give up posting this inane information opting to devote your life to more mystic things. Or all that Rockstar mixing with couch fart gas will create an explosion in your brain, thus ceasing any chance of you bothering us with your ambiguous "life problems".

Straight from the Dungeon

Belgium Tourism Agency

Textile Farmer

Angsty Beats

Histories Mysteries

Spiderman

Fresh From the International Library

Here's link spam I got today:

I start to women day prepear

I start to women day prepare……
I buy flower, viagra and xanax .....))))
But I have problem. I haven't women….
Help me please

"I start to women day prepear." Spelling aside, this could mean a couple of things. It may be a belated reference to Valentines Day. This guy could be reeling in big business on the cronies that live in some romantic vacuum and just now realized that Cupid's Arrow had missed the mark. Or this gent could be "prepearing" for the day his girlfriend has her period. But wait, it looks as if this sorry chap doesn't have anyone else in his life. More appropriately it looks as though this lad has some pretty high standards and thinks that he deserves more than one woman.

The kicker is that as he lures me into visiting one of his buddies pharmaceutical websites with his eloquent description of events, he solicits me for help in obtaining him multiple women. Well buddy, if you're reading this, come on over to America. There's no shortage of (multiple) women who will screw you because of your lose grasp on English.

Today's Buzzword(s)--Power of the Purse

It's funny when the government adopts/creates their own special euphemisms for something. It's funny because the phrase in nearly any other context wouldn't work.
"Say Anton, how we gonna make sure this guys knows we mean business?".
"Easy, we just squeeze a little muscle and show em' the our power of the purse."

If this whole Democracy thing doesn't work out, maybe we'll just sign up or representatives to re-write Shakespeare...you know to make it more plausible.